Delicious Ambiguity: how to cope with life’s ups and downs

By Tiffany Merritt, 889 Yoga Teacher

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”

?Gilda Radner

4 years ago my life was touched by cancer. My mother was given a scary diagnosis and swiftly underwent surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment.

I fell apart. But it probably didn’t look like I fell apart to most people because I am really good at putting on my ‘face of well-being’ as I call it. I’m also really good at taking care of others as a way to numb my own anxieties and to try to gain a sense of control over a situation that I have absolutely no control over. Or do I?

I certainly can’t control cancer or any other major life changing transformation, but I can control how I cope and comfort myself through life’s constant ups and downs. Or, as Gilda Radner so beautifully described it in the face of her own cancer diagnosis:

Delicious ambiguity.

As a human being, yoga teacher and art therapist (thesis pending) I am continually learning how to be able to handle the challenges in my life with more equanimity. I trust that I am strengthening my courage and inner resilience with each one of my unique life experiences. I also believe that as much as we need to strengthen our connection with ourselves during difficult times, connecting with others and feeling a sense that ‘you are not alone’ is incredibly powerful. So I thought I could share a few simple practices that have brought me some emotional comfort, increased my self-awareness, and strengthened my resiliency and coping skills.

1. Give yourself a great big hug while taking 3 deep breaths. For me this is the easiest way to come back to being in the present moment while giving yourself a little bit of self love. This is the first thing I do when I get on my yoga mat to practice, or if I’m ever just feeling a little overwhelmed.

2. Try something new. As a Jivamukti yoga teacher I love a challenging and creatively sequenced flowing vinyasa class. But when your mind speeds up with fear and anxiety because you are facing a difficult time in your life, sometimes the best thing to do is slow down. Integrating a gentle and restful restorative and/or yin yoga practice into your regular routine can help mirror the peacefulness you wish for in your busy mind by what you are or aren’t doing with your physical body. Some other new things I’ve tried lately include: standup paddle boarding, Pilates and drinking dandelion tea.

3. Fall apart. Take off your ‘mask of wellbeing’ and fall apart. Let yourself be seen, held and loved in all your messiness. It can be really scary to do this, but try to be completely honest with yourself about where you are at. Then share your truth with someone who loves you and/or a licensed therapist who can safely support you psychologically. Holding up that ‘mask of wellbeing’ is exhausting and it keeps you stuck. Fall apart and trust that in time you will build yourself back up again stronger and more solid within. I adore this quote by Anais Nin because to me it really captures the essence of this concept: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”.

4. Get creative. In whatever way you wish. It can be as simple as doodling on a scrap piece of paper with a crayon or as complex as painting a grand masterpiece. It really doesn’t matter. A creative practice that I found to be soothing and therapeutic was decorating the underside of my yoga mat inspired by the question ‘what supports me?’. Your yoga mat literally supports you in your practice, so why not remind yourself of all the other supportive resources you have in your life while letting your creative juices flow!?! Using a few colourful poster paint markers and letting my imagination run wild I brought to mind all the people, practices and experiences that bring me comfort and support me in my life. There is no right or wrong here, and if you don’t want to draw on your yoga mat – then try the same practice on a large piece of paper or canvas.

As an art therapy student I am currently completing the requirements for my degree with a study of how people living with cancer experienced a group that combined yoga and art therapy. Integrating these two mindfulness based practices created a supportive space for individuals to gain personal insights about their body, mind and heart while cultivating tools to work through future unwanted stresses and loss. I hope to facilitate yoga and art therapy groups for many different populations starting in 2015 so if this idea resonates with you stay tuned for details 🙂

5. Read words that inspire you. Anybody who knows me well knows that I love quotes and carry them with me in a wee little book that I’ve filled up over the years. I’ve doodled and collaged around these words and regularly share them in my yoga classes. Reading other people’s inspirational words and stories continually reminds me that I am not alone in my difficult times and my hope is to support others by sharing these words. Here are some of my all time favourite books that have helped me to feel stronger in myself:

Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

So yes, 4 years ago I fell apart. But in falling apart I cultivated courage and gained personal insight. I realized what was important to me and I ended up making some huge life changes that I’m not sure I would have made if I hadn’t been faced with how absolutely precious every moment is when you don’t know how long you have with those you love. Through my experience I am more empathetic to other people’s struggles and I’ve been inspired to work with people whose lives have been touched by cancer from a truly authentic place in my heart.

I know life will throw me more curve balls. No one is immune to difficult times. I’m doing my best to embrace the delicious ambiguity of life and trust that the dark times make the bright times brighter, and that as long as I continue to get back up and try again I’ll be okay.

Come check out my decorated yoga mat at 889 this week.

I hope it inspires you to “get creative” in your own unique + meaningful way.

Tiffany teaches Flow Yoga for all levels every Friday at 12:30pm. Register now for next week!